Mulder’s Big Adventure

Sighting: Jersey Devil in Portland, OR

We were just out enjoying the lovely Portland weather when we saw this:

Bigfoot?

Does anybody else see this? I mean, that’s Bigfoot! Right there! Holy cow!

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Psychokineptic Monocle-ation

1×05 – Shadows

Episode summary:
Our agents get called in by some mysterious, tight-lipped spooks to check out some twitchy corpses, but soon find themselves embroiled in deep weirdness tied to a woman named Lauren Kite and her dead (OR IS HE?! [yes, he is]) boss Howard Graves. After chasing some dead-ends, they eventually manage to bust Lauren’s corrupt new boss — with some help from Ghost of Howard. Later, Scully shares her thoughts re: the Liberty Bell.

Desk of a dead dude

We open on…the desk of Howard Graves! A woman is crying. Her name is Lauren. She hasn’t known a lot of people who died, or anyone whose killed themselves…meaning Howard?

And then a plaque on Howard’s desk suddenly shifts several inches ALL BY ITSELF.

GHOSTS

Then Lauren is at an ATM…

You know, lots of people call them “ATM machines”. I think it’s a government acronym coverup, to make citizens forget what the “M” stands for.
STFU, Fox.

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jersey devil hanky panky

The Jersey Devil — 1×04

Episode summary:
After a corpse turns up in New Jersey with limbs chewed off BY HUMAN TEETH, Scully and Mulder head to Atlantic City, where Mulder argues with a local top cop and manages to spend a night in jail. With some help from an anthropologist and a park ranger, the agents eventually track down the (female!) Jersey Devil, but she’s killed in an altercation with the local police force. Also, Scully goes on a date.

1947

Night. A nuclear family in a car outside New Jersey. Singing “BINGO”. Flat tire! Dad goes out to fix it. Taps on the wife’s window with his flashlight, and says:

“Honey, do you mind holding the light for a secoAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRBGGGGH”

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Leave My Sister Out of This

“Conduit” – 1×03

Episode summary:
A girl disappears in the woods in Iowa. Scully and Mulder’s investigation generates friction with local law enforcement, as well as with the NSA after the girl’s younger brother mysteriously transcribes satellite transmissions. After chasing some dead ends, meeting a biker bartender, and turning up an incidental murder, they find the girl in the woods under mysterious circumstances.

Opening up

The woods! A campfire. Kids sleeping. A camper trailer thing. A cup of coffee. Idyllic.

So, everyone’s asleep and there’s a full cup of coffee? Did the cup of coffee regrow? Was it planted there by aliens?

Wait, the coffee is shaking!

It’s pulling a Jurassic Park!

The whole RV is going crazy, and there’s a bright light! And then a little boy named Kevin tells him mom that “Ruby’s gone!” Mom starts yelling her name — AT THE SKY!

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Bile Always Love You (season one, episode two)

“Squeeze” – 1×02

Episode summary:
Agent Tom Colton, an old friend of Scully’s, asks her and Mulder for help on a serial murder case where the victims have had their livers removed, manually. Mulder’s reputation, and his theories, fuel a clash with Colton’s team, including a disagreement over the culpability of suspect Eugene Tooms, a 100-year-old mutant capable of squeezing into small places.

Opening scene

There’s a man with a suitcase!

Hold on, it’s a man with a suitcase!
And then a shot of a gutter!
Man with suitcase!
Gutter!
Eyes in the gutter!

A man with a suitcase, near a gutter.
This guy with the suitcase looks full of bile. You can tell by his tie.
I think you’re overanalyzing this.
He’s an alien under those clothes.

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Seth Green Is In This One (season one, episode one)

“Deep Throat” – 1×01

Episode Summary:
Mulder and Scully investigate the disappearance of an Air Force Lt. Colonel named Robert Budahas, despite a warning from a mysterious figure that they should stay away from the case. After seeing mysterious lights flying over an airbase and interviewing the suddenly-returned Lt. Col., Mulder sneaks onto the military base, only to encounter a UFO at close range — and then have his memory of the experience erased by military doctors. Scully rescues Mulder from the base, and they return to FBI headquarters empty-handed.

The beginning

Military police are storming a house! There’s a…naked shivering man with bad skin!

Ooh, Seth Green is in this one!
He’s not the naked shivering guy.
Right, I’m just reading the credits.

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Mulder’s Big Adventure (season one, pilot episode)

“Pilot” – 1×73

Episode summary:
A girl dies in the woods in Oregon. FBI Agent Dana Scully is assigned to the X-Files — whether as a balancing scientific force or as a spy is less than clear. Her partner, Agent Fox Mulder, lays out the case of the dead girl, whose corpse bore a strange pair of dots on the lower back consistent with previous casefiles. The two travel to Oregon, where they investigate several members (living and dead) of the local high school class of 1989. After another mysterious death, they eventually encounter one of these kids, the erstwhile comatose Billy Miles, in the woods amidst a mysterious bright light. They return to the FBI with scant substantiating evidence of what they’ve seen.

The following picture is inspired by actual text…

Facebook accounts, specifically.

We see a girl running, panicked, through the woods, tumbling and scraping herself on vegetation as she flees from whatever the heck she’s fleeing from.

This girl isn’t very good at running through the woods.

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