In which Mulder is shirtless briefly

1×11 Fire

Episode Summary:
A pyromaniac named either Bob or Cecil tries to burn some old rich dude to death, as is apparently his wont. Mulder and Scully try to stop him, while Mulder’s old Oxford flame Phoebe reminds us just how nice it is that Phoebe is never in any other episodes besides this one.

Ye Olde England

An old rich dude! An Irish gardener guy named Cecil!

Cecil: bad and saucy.

Oh no! Richie McRicherson is on fire!

No one is trying very hard to help him.

Wish You Were Here cover art, rough draft

And Cecil just sits there, grinning Irishly.

He just sits because he has completed his motile larval stage.

Mulder’s big adventure continues inside »

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The Limey Files, Tofu backwards, and an apology

ITEM: Pilot Tracked, Lost Giant UFO Over London in 1957

“I was only a lieutenant and very much aware of the gravity of the situation. I felt very much like a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest,” he said.

ITEM: 4,100 lb Dried Tofu Sets World Record

Workers spent more than 38 hours to make this giant piece of dried tofu. It has set the Guinness World Record for the largest piece of dried tofu in the world.

ITEM: We’re really, really sorry we haven’t been updating. It turns out that the only thing more distracting than trying to buy a house is succeeding at buying a house and moving into it.

But we’re totally ready to start updating again.
We’ve even got two episode halfway done already!
Also, what’s with those giant floating words in Fringe?
They should call that show “Font”.

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Eve’n Clonegirls Get The Blues

1×10 Eve

Episode summary:
Mulder and Scully investigate a pair of identical murders involving identical but apparently unrelated young girls. They uncover a eugenics plot and manage not to be killed by diet soda. Also, Deepthroat stops by to chat in the middle of the night because he has no life whatsoever.

Greenwich, CT!

It’s like a sandwich, but greener!

A matchy-matchy jogging couple sees a little girl standing in her driveway holding a stuffed bunny. Where is her dad, you may ask? Sitting on a swing in the backyard. DEAD.

With two holes in his neck!
Chupacabra!!!!!!11!
What?
Nothing.

Ayup, Joel’s neck done been bit.

Commence with the screaming little girl.

Mulder’s big adventure continues inside »

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Obligatory “Sex-Files” joke

David Duchovny. In rehab. For sex addiction.

Not making this up.

Next week: Gillian Anderson diagnosed with chronic acute awesomitis.

(We’re working on a writeup for Eve currently. Still trying to buy that house, but we’ll have a proper update soon, we promise. And it will involve a joke about a butt.)

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Man are we busy right now

Mulder’s Big Adventure is a little sidetracked right now, and we feel terrible about that, so sorry for the big delay between updates. Right now, we’re pretty heavily distracted by Josh and Angela’s Big House Purchasing Adventure, but we’ll try to get another episode up soon.

Two things:

1. Movie. Will try to talk about it soon as well. It was good. It was not perfect.
1b. Beard!
1c. Googling is something that would normally happen before proposing a specific and highly experimental treatment, Dr. Scully.

2. Bigfoot. I guess they caught him? I don’t know.

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Fenig for your thoughts

1×09 Fallen Angel

Episode summary:
On a tip from Deepthroat, Mulder books to Wisconsin to investigate the crash of a mysterious flying something-or-other, gets arrested by the army, and meets UFO conspiracy wonk/epileptic Max Fenig. Scully tries to take Mulder back to DC in time for the “should we close the X-Files” hearing, but hijinks ensue which culminate in the apparent abduction of Max by aliens. Probably. And then the X-Files don’t get closed after all!

Wood you like to hear what happened?

We open in the woods, in Wisconsin. A fire! Deputy Rike, from the sheriff’s office investigates the situation.

And then a cut to US Space Surveillance Center in Colorado! They’ve spotted a bogey.

Bogey on my six!

It was flying around like no known aircraft could; also, it was an object. Additionally: not identified.

Mulder’s big adventure continues inside »

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Swimwear by Eugene V. T. Fashions

Tooms sighting!

Police in Houston say a murder suspect who lost weight so he could escape from jail by squeezing through a vent has been caught taking a dip in a motel swimming pool.

Police say Darryl Layne Norris was back in custody Wednesday.

Yeah, “Darryl”. Sure. (Hat tip to Joel, our special agent in Massachusetts.)

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Ground Control to Major Fox

1×08 Space

Episode summary:
A NASA staffer contacts Mulder and Scully with concerns about sabotage on a current shuttle mission. They look into it, with Mulder taking plenty of time on the side to regress to being a twelve-year-old astronautics nerd. In the end, the shuttle is safe, but the troubled Colonel Marc Belt dies in what might be an act of extra-terrestrial foul play — or courageous sacrifice. Either way, he jumps out a window and Mulder loses some innocence.

Space, back in the day

WXDL News 11 is on the scene where all the hip kids are– at the NASA Jet Propulsion Lab in 1977! They’ve got photos of Mars! Proof of water! Martian face! Film at 11!

I think you’ve got a little bit of Mars on your face there

And then the implausibly named Lt. Col. Marcus Aurelius Belt has a bad dream (or memory?) about being in space. And he wakes up and stares up at the ceiling and suddenly he gets bumrushed by THAT MARS FACE!

CEILING MARS FACE IS WATCHING YOU SOMETHING SOMETHING
This is basically like that email where it’s all “watch this video, something creepy happens” and then a zombie jumps out at you and he’s all like “AAAAAUUGHHH!” and you’re all like “AAAAAUUUUGHHH!” and that’s just like this.
It’s like, thanks for the neat email, MOM.

Mulder’s big adventure continues inside »

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Ice Lice Splice Nice (Twice) (For a Price)

1×07 Ice

Episode summary:
Our heroes go on assignment Alaska, to investigate some violent trouble at a remote ice-core research facility. They, and their civilian scientific cohort, get stranded after a dog attack infects and ultimately kills their pilot. Paranoia and shouting and a certain amount of death ensues, before a chance discovery helps the agents neutralize the ancient, ice-dwelling parasitic threat. Also, everybody gets naked.

Stir crazy in Alaska

We’re in beautiful Icy Cape, Alaska, where there’s a bunch of dead people and a SHIRTLESS dude with a gun.

Two guns.
Is that a joke about muscles?
What?
Like, he’s got free tickets to the GUN SHOW?
No, he has two guns in his hands.

Mulder’s big adventure continues inside »

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HAL is Rolling in his Futuristic Computer Grave

1×06 – Ghost in the Machine

Episode summary:
Übergeek Brad Wilczek over-übers it and creates an Artificial Intelligence that will kill others to save itself. Mulder’s old partner Jerry acts like a jerk and then gets killed, and then Mulder and Scully disable the killer AI except maybe not.

The Intro Bit

It’s a company named Eurisko! (NOT ESKIMO.) Their stock is totally in the toilet!

It’s not safe if someone flushes!
Who keeps their stock in a toilet anyway? That’s unhygenic.

Mulder’s big adventure continues inside »

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