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Episode Summary
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The skies over Iraq


You know what it almost is?
Cinco de Mayo.
And that–

Ha ha guys okay but we have to do an episode now so let’s just–

You know, that reminds me of Mexicorn.
That is not a thing.
Any other day of the year, you’d have a magical horse with a horny protuberance on its forehead.
Holy shit, it actually is a thing, I thought you were–
But on Cinco de Mayo: MEXICORN.

Guys, alright, but the blog–

This is a thing that exists.
They should do an X-Files episode about the Jolly Green Giant.
And Little Sprout.


So. Anyway, there’s a foreign guy in a jet in Iraq who totally sees a UFO. And he flips out and shoots the dang thing down. And then some American soldier dudes check out the crash site, but they’re interrupted by THE TITLE SEQUENCE OMG

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i made you a gender but i bended it

Gender Bender

Episode summary:
Mulder and Scully investigate a suspicious death, leading them into rural Massachusetts and a pre-technology collective that calls itself The Kindred and is totally not the Amish, we swear. Sex-change, resurrection, and hot sexy pheremonal hijinks ensue, and Mulder gets kicked in the face.

Out Clubbin’

We see an eyeball!

And then a disco ball!

And then an eyeball! Again! It’s madness!

And then a whole bunch of party people!

Brought to you by Axe Body Spray
Is it bad to make Buffy references?
Oh, because this is–
–completely The Bronze.

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Fenig for your thoughts

1×09 Fallen Angel

Episode summary:
On a tip from Deepthroat, Mulder books to Wisconsin to investigate the crash of a mysterious flying something-or-other, gets arrested by the army, and meets UFO conspiracy wonk/epileptic Max Fenig. Scully tries to take Mulder back to DC in time for the “should we close the X-Files” hearing, but hijinks ensue which culminate in the apparent abduction of Max by aliens. Probably. And then the X-Files don’t get closed after all!

Wood you like to hear what happened?

We open in the woods, in Wisconsin. A fire! Deputy Rike, from the sheriff’s office investigates the situation.

And then a cut to US Space Surveillance Center in Colorado! They’ve spotted a bogey.

Bogey on my six!

It was flying around like no known aircraft could; also, it was an object. Additionally: not identified.

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Ground Control to Major Fox

1×08 Space

Episode summary:
A NASA staffer contacts Mulder and Scully with concerns about sabotage on a current shuttle mission. They look into it, with Mulder taking plenty of time on the side to regress to being a twelve-year-old astronautics nerd. In the end, the shuttle is safe, but the troubled Colonel Marc Belt dies in what might be an act of extra-terrestrial foul play — or courageous sacrifice. Either way, he jumps out a window and Mulder loses some innocence.

Space, back in the day

WXDL News 11 is on the scene where all the hip kids are– at the NASA Jet Propulsion Lab in 1977! They’ve got photos of Mars! Proof of water! Martian face! Film at 11!

I think you’ve got a little bit of Mars on your face there

And then the implausibly named Lt. Col. Marcus Aurelius Belt has a bad dream (or memory?) about being in space. And he wakes up and stares up at the ceiling and suddenly he gets bumrushed by THAT MARS FACE!

This is basically like that email where it’s all “watch this video, something creepy happens” and then a zombie jumps out at you and he’s all like “AAAAAUUGHHH!” and you’re all like “AAAAAUUUUGHHH!” and that’s just like this.
It’s like, thanks for the neat email, MOM.

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Ice Lice Splice Nice (Twice) (For a Price)

1×07 Ice

Episode summary:
Our heroes go on assignment Alaska, to investigate some violent trouble at a remote ice-core research facility. They, and their civilian scientific cohort, get stranded after a dog attack infects and ultimately kills their pilot. Paranoia and shouting and a certain amount of death ensues, before a chance discovery helps the agents neutralize the ancient, ice-dwelling parasitic threat. Also, everybody gets naked.

Stir crazy in Alaska

We’re in beautiful Icy Cape, Alaska, where there’s a bunch of dead people and a SHIRTLESS dude with a gun.

Two guns.
Is that a joke about muscles?
Like, he’s got free tickets to the GUN SHOW?
No, he has two guns in his hands.

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