Archive for i’m a doctor

There wolf! There, castle.

SHAPES

Episode Summary:
Our agents investigate the shooting death of a Native American man on a ranch near a reservation; it turns out it was a freakin’ werewolf; no one gets laid. Twin Peak’s awesome guy Michael Horse guest stars! Also Scully completely doesn’t get laid, but what else is new.

We see a pictures of a stuffed wolf! And a stuffed owl!

It’s an episode about taxidermy!
Taciturny?
Tax attorneys?

There is spooky lightning! A scruffy old man–

Scruff galore!
Grizzly Adams!
Mark Twain!

–loads a shotgun and exchanges a look with an intense young Clean-shaven Adams. They are at Two Medicine Ranch in Browning, Montana, according to the person who wrote on the screen with a typewriter somehow.

Take two medicine and call me in the morning!

And anyway something that looks an awful lot like a werewolf beats the crap out of the kid and then the old guy shoots it and IT TURNS OUT IT’S A MAN.

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Benny Hinn, Eat Your Heart Out

Miracle Man

Episode summary
Mulder and Scully investigate possible faith-healing-related murder, discover faith-healer isn’t a murderer, discover faith-healed faith-healer assistant is a murderer, faith-healer gets murdered by sheriff, sheriff’s wife doesn’t get faith-healed, murdering faith-healed faith-healer assistant murders self. Also Fox thinks he sees his sister Samantha like four times and Scully briefly reminds us that she’s Catholic.

1983

Some kid named Samuel lays hands on the crispy corpse of a guy who burnt to death in a fire. The corpse promptly hold the kid’s hand!

When I-I-I / Say to you-ou-ou
Ahhhhh, zombies!
No, no, the power of Christ compels him.

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Lazarus? You brought ‘us to the party!

Lazarus

Episode Summary
Scully’s fellow agent and old flame Jack Willis gets shot and killed (or does he?!) by a bank robber named Dupre who has a spooky tattoo and a nutty girlfriend named Lula. Jack gets possessed by Dupre, Scully gets handcuffed to a radiator, insulin gets wasted: it’s all very titillating. Also, Mulder remembers his ninth grade math.

Bankman and Robbin’

Scully and some guy named Agent Willis are in a bank that’s about to close… waiting nervously for someone!

Meanwhile, two bank robbers in a car outside–

This is probably unrelated.

–talk about luck and call each other “Baby” a lot and franticly make out a little bit, giving us a peek at the dude robber’s forearm tattoo:

This is a tattoo that says “confidence”.
It looks like a pineapple and a fire-breathing snake.
I think it’s a genie coming out of a bottle near a green atom bomb.
Whatever it is, everybody knows he’s like an awesome rockstar because he has a tattoo.

And then the hockey mask and the shotgun and the shouting and the hey hey hey, and the robber shoots Agent Willis and Scully shoots the robber.

And crappy post-production slomo! What is this, the first season of a early-90′s FOX production?

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i made you a gender but i bended it

Gender Bender

Episode summary:
Mulder and Scully investigate a suspicious death, leading them into rural Massachusetts and a pre-technology collective that calls itself The Kindred and is totally not the Amish, we swear. Sex-change, resurrection, and hot sexy pheremonal hijinks ensue, and Mulder gets kicked in the face.

Out Clubbin’

We see an eyeball!

And then a disco ball!

And then an eyeball! Again! It’s madness!

And then a whole bunch of party people!

Brought to you by Axe Body Spray
Is it bad to make Buffy references?
Oh, because this is–
–completely The Bronze.

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Fenig for your thoughts

1×09 Fallen Angel

Episode summary:
On a tip from Deepthroat, Mulder books to Wisconsin to investigate the crash of a mysterious flying something-or-other, gets arrested by the army, and meets UFO conspiracy wonk/epileptic Max Fenig. Scully tries to take Mulder back to DC in time for the “should we close the X-Files” hearing, but hijinks ensue which culminate in the apparent abduction of Max by aliens. Probably. And then the X-Files don’t get closed after all!

Wood you like to hear what happened?

We open in the woods, in Wisconsin. A fire! Deputy Rike, from the sheriff’s office investigates the situation.

And then a cut to US Space Surveillance Center in Colorado! They’ve spotted a bogey.

Bogey on my six!

It was flying around like no known aircraft could; also, it was an object. Additionally: not identified.

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