Archive for deepthroat

E.B.E.

E.B.E.

Episode Summary
Mulder and Scully go chasing after a downed UFO that maybe doesn’t exist except for maybe it does. Or does it? Yes! Possibly. Scully meets the Lone Gunmen, Deepthroat and Mulder have some man time, some hippies throw a party for aliens, and Mulder sneaks into a secret military facility and discovers that OMG THERE REALLY ARE ALIENS, PROBABLY. And we all pretend that calling aliens “Extra-terrestrial Biological Entities” is totally a thing and not pretty silly.

The skies over Iraq

[EDITOR'S NOTE: FOR THE PURPOSES OF THE FOLLOWING JOKE, PLEASE PRETEND THAT IT IS STILL THE BEGINNING OF MAY 2010, WHICH IS WHEN WE FIRST STARTED WRITING THIS EPISODE. THANK YOU.]

You know what it almost is?
What?
Cinco de Mayo.
And that–
THE MEX FILES.

Ha ha guys okay but we have to do an episode now so let’s just–

You know, that reminds me of Mexicorn.
That is not a thing.
Any other day of the year, you’d have a magical horse with a horny protuberance on its forehead.
Holy shit, it actually is a thing, I thought you were–
But on Cinco de Mayo: MEXICORN.

Guys, alright, but the blog–

This is a thing that exists.
They should do an X-Files episode about the Jolly Green Giant.
And Little Sprout.

GUYS! CHRIST!

So. Anyway, there’s a foreign guy in a jet in Iraq who totally sees a UFO. And he flips out and shoots the dang thing down. And then some American soldier dudes check out the crash site, but they’re interrupted by THE TITLE SEQUENCE OMG

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Salamander Hand over Fist

Young at Heart!

Episode Summary
Man, we watched this a year ago, I don’t really remember. But I guess basically Mulder played it by the book a few years back and got some people killed, by a jerk named Barnett who ended up dying in prison afterward, but! Barnett is back, even though he’s dead, and it’s because of some kind of fountain-of-youth type regeneration shit that happened because of a mad scientist and so now Barnett has a salamander hand! And Mulder kills him at the end in an ironic reversal of the by-the-book stuff. ALSO! Scully gets shot by Barnett except she was wearing a vest so she’s okay. SPOILER ALERT!

Tashmoo Federal Correctional Facility

The year is 1989. The state: Pennsylvania.

That’s the year that Washington State had it’s centennial.
That’s the year that I had my Decennial.
That’s the year your FACE was HITLER.

A man in a wheelchair and a prison jumpsuit hears screaming and wheels his way toward it!

Dude rolls into a surgical lab and asks a doctor guy what he’s doing to Johnny.

Here Comes Johnny One-Hand

And the doctor is all like “nothing!”

Specifically, he’s doing some nothing to where Johnny’s forearm used to be.

And then John “Johnny No-Arm” Barnett blinks at wheelchair guy!

Oh he’s dead. And yet he’s not dead. And you know what that means.
Zombies!
[glee]

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Eve’n Clonegirls Get The Blues

1×10 Eve

Episode summary:
Mulder and Scully investigate a pair of identical murders involving identical but apparently unrelated young girls. They uncover a eugenics plot and manage not to be killed by diet soda. Also, Deepthroat stops by to chat in the middle of the night because he has no life whatsoever.

Greenwich, CT!

It’s like a sandwich, but greener!

A matchy-matchy jogging couple sees a little girl standing in her driveway holding a stuffed bunny. Where is her dad, you may ask? Sitting on a swing in the backyard. DEAD.

With two holes in his neck!
Chupacabra!!!!!!11!
What?
Nothing.

Ayup, Joel’s neck done been bit.

Commence with the screaming little girl.

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Fenig for your thoughts

1×09 Fallen Angel

Episode summary:
On a tip from Deepthroat, Mulder books to Wisconsin to investigate the crash of a mysterious flying something-or-other, gets arrested by the army, and meets UFO conspiracy wonk/epileptic Max Fenig. Scully tries to take Mulder back to DC in time for the “should we close the X-Files” hearing, but hijinks ensue which culminate in the apparent abduction of Max by aliens. Probably. And then the X-Files don’t get closed after all!

Wood you like to hear what happened?

We open in the woods, in Wisconsin. A fire! Deputy Rike, from the sheriff’s office investigates the situation.

And then a cut to US Space Surveillance Center in Colorado! They’ve spotted a bogey.

Bogey on my six!

It was flying around like no known aircraft could; also, it was an object. Additionally: not identified.

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HAL is Rolling in his Futuristic Computer Grave

1×06 – Ghost in the Machine

Episode summary:
Übergeek Brad Wilczek over-übers it and creates an Artificial Intelligence that will kill others to save itself. Mulder’s old partner Jerry acts like a jerk and then gets killed, and then Mulder and Scully disable the killer AI except maybe not.

The Intro Bit

It’s a company named Eurisko! (NOT ESKIMO.) Their stock is totally in the toilet!

It’s not safe if someone flushes!
Who keeps their stock in a toilet anyway? That’s unhygenic.

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Seth Green Is In This One (season one, episode one)

“Deep Throat” – 1×01

Episode Summary:
Mulder and Scully investigate the disappearance of an Air Force Lt. Colonel named Robert Budahas, despite a warning from a mysterious figure that they should stay away from the case. After seeing mysterious lights flying over an airbase and interviewing the suddenly-returned Lt. Col., Mulder sneaks onto the military base, only to encounter a UFO at close range — and then have his memory of the experience erased by military doctors. Scully rescues Mulder from the base, and they return to FBI headquarters empty-handed.

The beginning

Military police are storming a house! There’s a…naked shivering man with bad skin!

Ooh, Seth Green is in this one!
He’s not the naked shivering guy.
Right, I’m just reading the credits.

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