Archive for February, 2011

There wolf! There, castle.

SHAPES

Episode Summary:
Our agents investigate the shooting death of a Native American man on a ranch near a reservation; it turns out it was a freakin’ werewolf; no one gets laid. Twin Peak’s awesome guy Michael Horse guest stars! Also Scully completely doesn’t get laid, but what else is new.

We see a pictures of a stuffed wolf! And a stuffed owl!

It’s an episode about taxidermy!
Taciturny?
Tax attorneys?

There is spooky lightning! A scruffy old man–

Scruff galore!
Grizzly Adams!
Mark Twain!

–loads a shotgun and exchanges a look with an intense young Clean-shaven Adams. They are at Two Medicine Ranch in Browning, Montana, according to the person who wrote on the screen with a typewriter somehow.

Take two medicine and call me in the morning!

And anyway something that looks an awful lot like a werewolf beats the crap out of the kid and then the old guy shoots it and IT TURNS OUT IT’S A MAN.

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Basically, the whole world revolves around Mulder

Reader Mark Wrede suggests, in a comment, a simple X-Files drinking game:

2 Flavors of Beer; Rules:
- One swallow of one flavor each time Mulder says

Scully

- One swallow of other flavor each time Scully says

Mulder

1.5. Option: Shots: One shot for each shot fired.
2. The Clock: Measure the time the agents spend juggling their badges, flashlights, guns, big phones, evidence baggies, and surgical gloves. Keep a running total per episode, per season, over the whole series.

While I heartily approve of the concept, I do not want to die of alcohol poisoning. Because, here’s the thing: People say our agents’ names a lot.
Especially Mulder’s. Really, it’s just, Mulder, Mulder, Mulder, all episode long.
Here, as proof, is a little video I put together the other week. This is one episode. ONE EPISODE.

After two or three episodes you’d be dead.
Dead and buried.
Buried, like in a tomb.
Everybody at your party. You would all be in tombs.

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