Seth Green Is In This One (season one, episode one)

“Deep Throat” – 1×01

Episode Summary:
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The beginning

Military police are storming a house! There’s a…naked shivering man with bad skin!

Ooh, Seth Green is in this one!
He’s not the naked shivering guy.
Right, I’m just reading the credits.

Mulder and Scully in a bar

New episode, new hair

Scully is wearing her glasses again, although she’s not digging into a corpse currently.

Mulder offers Scully a drink; she points out it’s 2pm. Mulder himself doesn’t so much order a drink either, though.

Do you think he actually likes drinks? Or is he just trying to do what he sees ordinary males do around attractive women?
I think he’s just testing Scully. If she said yes, they’d just spend the whole episode getting drunk and dancing on tables.
So this is like an improv thing right here.
It’s a Choose Your Own Adventure.

It turns out that that crazy shivery guy was named Colonel Budahas, whose wife reports that he’s been kidnapped! By the Air Force! For four months!

There were rumors that those pilots were shot down at high altitudes — while they were routinely penetrating Russian airspace.

Heh. Routinely penetrating. Also:

Spud state.

Heh.

And Scully asks, for the first of about five thousand times I think, something like this:

I don’t get it, Mulder. Does this have something to do with an X-File?

In the Restroom

Mulder heads to the restroom to…pee? Or wash his hands? Anyway, suddenly a strange man confronts him! Creepily! And locks the door. Rude.

Let’s just say I’m in a position to know quite a lot of things.

Dude doesn’t really say what any of those things are, though.

Microfilm: pretty awesome

I think 1993 was just about the very last year that microfilm didn’t look silly on a TV show.
You know, we still use microfilm at work.
Well yeah, but as a Sexy Policework Technology it’s pretty dated.
I was going to tell my coworkers about this blog. Now they’ll be offended.

Reading microfilm: really, really exciting.
You know who’s not wearing pants in this episode?
You?
Well, and Scully.

At Chez Mulder

Mulder’s home! He’s got some art on the walls, and a kitchen. It looks like maybe he cooks?

Also, his phone is tapped, maybe? Clicky noises.

Mulder vs. the Handset of Doom

Idaho Bound

So the agents fly to the spud state to visit Mrs. Budahas. She reports that Col. Bob started getting weird a couple years ago, getting a rash and having seizures and PUTTING FISHFOOD ON HIS DINNER.

Is he an alien?

Mrs. Budahas figures it’s because he was a test pilot, though he couldn’t talk about the details of his work.

Conspiracy buzzword from Scully:

The Aurora Project!

Hey, Scully, look! This phone has no cord!

Mulder has one of those new-fangled cellular phones. It’s about seven inches long. 1993 rocked.

Hey, we still use those at wo–
Oh, be quiet.

The agents try to get someone from the base to talk to them, but get nowhere. Mulder decides to short circuit the military’s runaround by aggressively confronting a Col. Kissel in his own driveway. Kissel slams the door in his face.

Mulder can’t handle rejection.
If I ever had an opportunity to use the word “hangdog”, it’d be now, to describe Mulder.
Not in the killing-puppies sort of way.
Scully has this sort of “well THAT didn’t work out, DID it” look on her face right now that’s just priceless.

Ooh, a nosy reporter! Paul Mossinger! His take on UFOs, when pressed by Mulder: “A bunch of hooey”.

Scully’s wearing pants now.
Dammit.

Hunting for UFOs

Not a great photograph.

Mulder and Scully follow (presumably) a tip from that reporter, and head to a diner where there’s a lady who takes pictures of UFOs.

Why’s it look like a triangle?

She sells Mulder a print for twenty dollars.

Same as in town.

[to diner lady] What are the chances of someone like me seeing a UFO?

[makes eyes at diner lady]

Implied: Mulder trades sexual favors for UFO information.

JUST READING THIS SIGN IS A VIOLATION

They drive to a military compound using Mulder’s diner-lady directions; Mulder camps out on a hill outside the fence of the base while Scully naps desultorily in the car. Nightfall: the back windshield of the car explodes!

This wakes Scully up.

Mulder makes her come watch some crazy flying lights over the base.

That’s unreal. I’ve never seen anything like it.

They’ve been going at it like that for almost half an hour.

This whole show is secretly pornography.

A bright light approaches them!

OMG ALIENS

No, it’s a helicopter. Goddam fakeout glowing lights. Mulder and Scully chase a couple of grungy kids into the trees. One of them is Seth Green!

The male one.
Note: Scully has her gun out.

Naturally, they take the kids out for hamburgers.

Moments before turning into a werewolf.

Seth Green gives a great goddam hamburger-based speech about UFOs here. Just, seriously, if there was an Emmy for Best Food-Prop-Based Speech, this. By a landslide.

Then, later, the agents have a discussion in their rent-a-car:

Mulder, are you suggesting that the military is flying UFOs?

No. Planes built using UFO technology.

[suppresses laughter]

Mulder looks pretty hurt here.
Yeah.
He’s all, “how can you not believe in my blurry triangles?”

The discussion comes to a head.

Tell me I’m crazy.

Oh, don’t do that. That’s asking for it.
“Mulder, you’re a canklebandit.”

Mulder, you’re crazy.

Close enough.

Whoa! Mrs. Budahas reports that the Col. has come home! Mulder and Scully rush over — and she tearfully explains that he’s NOT HER HUSBAND! The hubby seems slightly upset by this. Mulder grills him on some pilot junk, and the Col. can’t remember!

I think they rewired that man’s brain. Some kind of selective memory drain.

Vocabulary word from Scully:

Nice.

Gentlemen in Dark Attire

Some men in black confront Mulder and Scully on the road! They go through their stuff, unload their guns, punch Mulder, tear the film out of their camera, and tell the agents to get the hell out of town.

A film camera. How quaint.

Back at the motel…

Scully argues that what with Mr. Budahas no longer missing and MIBs threatening them, they should indeed go home. Mulder concedes the point and says he’s going to shower — and then sneaks out of the bathroom window, I guess? and TAKES THEIR CAR.

Scully cannot believe this shit.

Seth Green and friend show Mulder to the base again and give him instructions, including: don’t go beyond the tall weeds.

Fashion victim, nature edition.

Mulder waits for night fall, and then GOES BEYOND THE TALL WEEDS. And then a giant glowing light!

OMG UFO

No, it’s — oh, yeah, no, it totally is a triangular UFO. Huh.

This here’s your garden variety three-pointy UFO.

And then the military police show up and wrestle Mulder onto a stretcher and give him an injection!

Fact: Mulder cannot outrun a jeep.
Also, exciting drums!

Back at the motel, Scully has phone trouble and marches out of her room. Lingering shot on her gun, sitting on the table. Is the gun going to shoot the phone?

Mulder at the military base: hazy visions of men in white lab coats, bright lights, and…a UFO behind plastic sheeting?! Or is Mulder just seeing things?

Motel again: it’s that reporter! But he’s not really a reporter, he’s a spook! Scully, gunless (OH HEY THAT WAS FORESHADOWING UP THERE) tussles with him and finally grabs his gun and makes him drive her to the base!

Mulder! On a table! Doctors! Medical instruments! Freaky…eyedrops!

They’re Visining him?

Scully arrives at the gate, spook reporter driving at gunpoint. They bring Mulder out!

I’m abducting this hobo, and that’s that!
He doesn’t look good.

Mulder tells Scully that he saw something but can’t remember what — they wiped his brain! (How does he know? Is it like a fuzzy tip-of-your-tongue thing, like he can remember remembering but can’t remember what? Or can he not remember a damn thing whatsoever and is just presuming that, you know, they sure went to a lot of effort so they MUST be hiding something good?)

They pay a final visit to Mrs. Budahas. She’s suddenly…reticent.

They got to her, Scully. They were here. They must have threatened her and–

That’s enough, Mulder! We don’t know anything. Anything more than when we got here. And that’s what I’m gonna write in my field report.

Epilogue

Scully writes up a report that pretty much says just that. Mulder goes for a sweaty run and ends up chatting up Deep Throat again.

Mr. Throat. “Deep” to his friends.

What is your interest?

The truth.

They’re here, aren’t they?

Mr. Mulder, they’ve been here for a long, long time.

OMG ALIENS

12 Comments »

  1. muddgirl Said,

    May 13, 2008 @ 5:46 am

    OK, so I don’t remember this episode at all, except for Deep Throat confronting Mulder in the bathroom.

    Awesome.

  2. The Proprietors Said,

    May 13, 2008 @ 11:20 am

    [Josh] Yeah, and I don’t think I had any idea who Seth Green was when this originally aired. (Hell, I’m not sure I even saw this one — I wasn’t really watching the show from the start when it started up in 93.) But clearly he had been doing a lot of character work before then.

    In retrospect, he was a pretty good pick for Affable Stoner Dude. Nice casting, person who did the casting!

  3. steef Said,

    May 14, 2008 @ 7:20 pm

    Wouldn’t you rather watch a nice adaptation of a Dickens classic? (Great implementation of an awesome idea. Looking forward to the rest of the whole ding-dang thing!)

  4. Chel Said,

    May 21, 2008 @ 12:48 pm

    “Fact: Mulder cannot outrun a jeep.”

    Yet he tries *every* damn time.

  5. Lauren Said,

    May 22, 2008 @ 2:05 pm

    Mulder should invest in better running shoes.
    And perhaps a Vespa.
    Or even better, alien technology of his own so he can outrun them.

    *g*
    My dad had one of those giant phones when I was little.
    It was creepy- kinda like Book’s hair; It was out there, waiting.

  6. calraigh Said,

    June 18, 2008 @ 3:28 pm

    Aww you guys, you left out the part where Scully says,
    ” Mulder did you see their eyes? If I were that stoned-” and then Mulder says, ” Woah! If you were that stoned, what?”

    Best line. Be ashamed, be be ashamed.

  7. The Proprietors Said,

    June 18, 2008 @ 4:52 pm

    [Josh] We can only cover so much ground. After that, it’s up to you, gentle reader, to pick up our collective slack.

  8. joycexu Said,

    October 25, 2008 @ 9:50 am

    hello i am a girl from china!since i am15 ,back ,i have been so in love with xfiles…because in china,there is rarely any tv show concerning supernature or things like that..

  9. Wednesday Said,

    December 17, 2008 @ 11:27 pm

    OMG I LOVE YOU GUYS you make the wonderful world of x-files even better.
    <3<3
    keep it up.

  10. marshan Said,

    March 30, 2009 @ 5:32 am

    This whole show is secretly pornography.

    ^^ I believe that’s the truth lol

    nice work you guys

  11. Laurie Said,

    September 7, 2009 @ 11:50 am

    You guys also left out Scully’s “Sucker” comment in the diner. It’s classic. By the way, update soon.

  12. Dawn Said,

    November 12, 2011 @ 8:50 pm

    Dear Lauren,
    I love you.
    And all the gorram shiny things on this website!
    The end.

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